Candy

With Halloween rolling around, it's once again time for the annual tradition wherein parents examine the contents of the children's trick-or-treat bags. Ostensively, this time-honored task is done so Mommy and Daddy can look for dangerous things—like nuclear waste and poisonous snakes—that Bad People may have put in there. The real reason, of course, is to take inventory of all the good candy and separate it from the funky stuff. Here's this year's top- and bottom-five Halloween candies, as ranked by our panel of experts (i.e. me):

The Top Five

All but one of our top five picks are miniature versions of full-size real-life chocolate-based candy bars. Certainly, some are better than others; note that Almond Joy and Mounds don't make the list. If you give out these, you're pretty guaranteed not to get your car egged or your jack-o-lanterns smashed by ungrateful children.